THE CLOCK IS NOT YOUR ENEMY

THE CLOCK IS NOT YOUR ENEMY

One of the first indications that my partner had a pronounced cognitive decline was his inability to draw a clock face with the hours numbered and with hands pointing to a specific time given. He couldn’t put the numbers on the clock face, nor could he draw the hands on the clock. He simply could not do any of it.  Although I didn’t realize it at the time, at that moment, I began to view the clock as an adversary. I always felt like I’ve been racing against the clock, but for what reason?

Sometime ago I came across a scripture passage, Epehesians 5:16-17 which spoke about redeeming time. It has lingered along the margin of my awareness where it has been swept away again and again by other matters pressing on my mind with their urgency. Today while I sat still in silence withYou, Jesus you brought that scripture to the forefront of my thoughts again; I heard You whisper, “The clock is not your enemy.” 

I admit that I have a love-hate relationship with the clock. At times I’ve resented the dollar store clock in my kitchen that ticks so loudly. Especially on nights when sleep is elusive or doesn’t come at all, I hear it marking the seconds, minutes, hours of each passing day. In the stillness of night, I can hear it tick incessantly from every corner in our small apartment. 

I could buy a new, quieter clock but the clock itself is not the issue. A quiet clock would still make me aware of the passage of time. I try to hold on to each moment as if my very life depends upon it. If I'm honest, my wish to stop the clock, or catch and bottle the seconds as they drop from the clock, is magical thinking.  If I could control time, I might somehow stop the progression of this disease that steals a part of my partner, a part of what is “us” and a part of me with each second that passes.  I may fool myself by saying that this desire is not just for me, it’s for my partner too. However Lord you have shown me that my desire to cling to the moments of time is yet another instance of my desire to have control over the uncontrollable. I can not stop the passage of time but time can be “redeemed”. (Ephesians 5:16 NKJV) Some translations translate redeeming time as making the most of opportunities.

You have shown me Lord that I can “redeem” or make the most of time by recognizing the opportunities for growth and service  to You that arise in caregiving. The attitude and the manner in which we spend our moments in caregiving matter. Dark times and challenges can encroach upon our caregiving when caring for someone impaired with dementia. As caregivers we might begin to see ourselves as collateral victims of the disease. However, as Christian caregivers we need not fall into the role of victims, we can be victors by how we use the time in the present. We are victorious when we live in the present, not grieving the past, and not worrying about the future. Lord, you encourage us to use time wisely, not getting bogged down by time wasters or dwelling on all the negatives of our situation. We can learn the value of time by looking to our partner who receives our care. Their awareness of time is not tied to the clock, they usually live in the moment. What they are thinking, feeling, needing is relevant to this present moment.  There are blessings to be found when we posture our hearts and minds in humility, opening them in gratitude so we can see the opportunities in  each moment of caregiving as blessings and service to You.

Even when we are not feeling grateful for our circumstances we can practice gratitude. God, you continue to bless us richly even while we see things being taken from us. We can always find something to say thank you for even when we are feeling weak, tired, bruised, battered and defeated. It is during those times when we are most weak that you are able to do the most work within us, Lord. You are using those times to build our character and strengthen us for lies ahead. You show us that it is gratitude that softens our heart, it keeps us from becoming bitter and hardened. You soften our heart so that it can remain open to receive all the good things you want to give us. What the world sees as evil, dark, painful, you see as an opportunity to use for good to bless us.

PRAYER: Jesus, thank you for always being near, lifting me up when I fall and fail in caring for my partner as I would for you. I thank you for your patience and gentle correction of my heart when I try to take control of time yet again. It’s difficult to say thank you for those painful moments in caregiving, but I know you are going to use them for the greater good for my partner and myself. I love you Lord. AMEN

Ephesians 5:16-17

Matthew 25:40

Romans 8:28